I am stoked. Here I am Lord, send me!
To know the language of my Father and His words, commands, promises are being made accessible to all people. This rocks my world!
I found myself staring at the words of 1 John on the flimsy pages of my own bible and this being so surreal; His most holy words being printed on such sheer paper, bound with human effort, and it sitting in front of me.
His words of reminder to his children, that what they have experienced of Him is REAL and STILL in their possession. That he would have them be reminded after they’ve SEEN IT and EXPERIENCED IT, that these people we see as just bible characters, they are people who needed truth spoken again, written again for their benefit and in their worry. And many years later, it’s reminding me in my own human desperation and forgetfulness and brokenness, that my adoption is REAL and ACTIVE and found IN HIM. The bond I felt in that moment with who the letter was originally written to, the breath of grace I could breathe in that moment, shook me.
I want this for all. I want someone to be able to know they aren’t finished with yet, that what they’ve seen of God and heard of God and experienced of God, is so incredibly real; when they doubt, when they shout, in anything. It can’t be taken from them once it’s been given and he beckons them to REMAIN in HIM and CONTINUE in HIM. It’s been a mandate, a reminder, a letter since before they were born.
Since before you were born.
Since before I was born!
So this is my song, until the whole world hears! To all people, in the languages of their hearts. Here am I, this is how I want to spend my life. This is how I want my one wild and wonderful and GOD GIVEN life to soak in and die in: until all the whole world hears. I want a piece of it.
I wrote the above segment as I sat in the weekend silence of our usually bustling academic building, alone, and having woken up 12 hours after I fell asleep the night before. I’ve slid into the end of this first week of school ragged, dead tired, headache behind my eyes, and still having not processed last year. I abandoned boundaries and a regular sleep schedule and abiding in my King amidst this wild week.
It’s week 3 of 2019 and it feels like week 12. This pattern of my life is not new, to feel as if I have lived more life in one day than I have lived in one year. And I know that this will be the reality of my year as I transition from one season of life to another and another and then another. In fact, I receive it!
I graduate in May, a year early, after only being at Liberty for a year and some change. I’ve changed my major from ASL Interpreting to Interdisciplinary Studies in ASL & Linguistics. 2018 left a wake of grief, lost friendships, new friendships, conquering fears, a resolve to praise before my breakthrough, and my pride flat on its face before others and God.
Life doesn’t stop so that one can sit and reflect and write post after post on what has happened. Life doesn’t stop for you to catch a breather or your footing. Life doesn’t stop as two decades of living and breathing schoolwork comes to an end. Life doesn’t stop for you to figure it out, it just keeps going.
But, I am left hopeful. In the questions of what I want to do with my life and how I am handling this new development of graduation from college, I am left hopeful. I am left not knowing for certain, left confused, left with more dreams than realities, but never the less I am left oh so hopeful!
So I wrote this above life mandate as I started to reflect on 2018 and as I look forward to what is next. It’s not a career declaration, not really a plan for my life, just a tugging in my soul for God’s truth to be made known to all. I will be going to Romania with Wycliffe and the GSLT for 8 weeks this summer as an intern. I will be given the opportunity to see their work with sign language bible translation and experience it for myself! It hasn’t been written in red letters before me that this is it, that this will be my one and wild way of living, but there is an unmistakeable God-feeling when I think of this summer and when I speak to ones who live there. To partner in bringing God’s word to others, to see people’s eyes light up in wonder, to watch them look around the room to see if anyone else caught the wildness of this God narrative of God’s word, to get to walk alongside them on this side of eternity as we sit in revelation of what He’s been singing since the creation of this world. This is what I want my life to be.
In my mother’s words, “To a new year full of God size miracles!”.